Jokes, the best jokes , awesome jokes, funny jokes: 2013

Friday, 24 May 2013

this is awesome..!

Once husband and wife were playing golf and the ball went
inside the house, so they went inside the house and saw a man
and a broken bottle,
husband: who are you?
jinni: I'm a jinni who was trapped in this bottle for 1000 yrs,
and you freed me, so i will give you one wish each and keep
one wish for me, so what do you want.
husband: make me a billionaire.
wife: I want house in every country in the world.
jinni: now my turn, you see there's been 1000 yrs since i had
slept with some lady so i want to have sex with your wife.
husband: since you made me a billionaire okay, you can sleep
with her.
After 2hrs,
jinne to wife: what is your husbands age?
wife: 35 yrs
jinni: really! and he still believes in jinni story's...x

haha...Garmi Trolled...!

Dear Garmi,
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... .
Himmat hai to
December
me aa naa..! :D

Olx par bech de..!:P

Newly married women apni mom ko call
krit h ,,
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women : mom, kal raat meri unse
ladaai ho gayi ,, .
.

mom - Koi baat nahi, Ye to pati
patni ke beech hota hi hai ,,
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.
women - Wo to thik h mom, par ab
laash Ka kya Karu ?
.
.

mom - OLX pe bech de. . . :P :P

Wednesday, 22 May 2013

This always happens with me.

Joker trolled

ultimate sardar

Tv reporter ne zakhmi sardar se pucha,“ JAB BOMB GIRA to kya vo zor se phata?“

Zakhmi sardar - Nahin haramzade, woh Rengta hua mere paas aaya aur sharma k bola, “Paaji..... DHADAAMMMM

i hate JUSTIN BIEBER...!

God's spam folder

I'm Pretty sure my prayers go directly to God's spam folder...!!

Kristen Stewart Trolled...!

Talking with someone who doesn't use emoticons is like being locked in a room with Kristen Stewart.. :P :D

Friday, 17 May 2013

Inocent joke

Inocent joke :-
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A child said to a pregnant lady
Child :- Ye pait me kya hai ?
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Lady :- Isme mera pyara sa cute sa
baby hai
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Child :- Itna pyara tha to khayi kyu moti :-)

Who Is LECTURER??

Teacher To Student:
Can You Define Who Is LECTURER??
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Student : A LECTURER Is A Person
Who Has A Very Bad
Habit Of Speaking When Someone
Is Sleeping...

The Ultimate Joke

Carrier in Danger..!

A STUDENT CARRIER CAN B IN DANGER.........
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. WITH JUST A SMILE OF GIRL

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

the worst weapon

You can never win an argument with your
parents. Just when you're about to .. they'll
unleash the 'upar se behas karta hai'
weapon on you.

The best joke of all times..

There was this robbery in
Bank.. The robber shouted
to everyone : "All don't
move, money belongs to
the state, life belongs to
you".
Everyone in the bank laid
down quietly.
This is called "Mind
Changing Concept -->
Changing the conventional
way of thinking".
---------------------------------
One lady lay on the table
provocatively, the robber
shouted at her "Please be
civilized! This is a robbery
and not a rape!"
This is called "Being
Professional --> Focus only
on what you are trained to
do!"
---------------------------------
When the robbers got
back, the younger robber
(MBA trained) told the
older robber (who is only
primary school educated),
"Big bro, let's count how
much we got", the older
robber rebutted and said,
"You very stupid, so much
money, how to count??
Tonight TV will tell us how
much we robbed from the
bank!"
This is called "Experience --
> nowadays experience is
more important than paper
qualifications!"
---------------------------------
After the robbers left, the
bank manager told the
bank supervisor to call the
police quickly. The
supervisor says "Wait, wait
wait, let's put the 5 million
we embezzled into the
amount the robbers
robbed".
This is called "Swim with
the tide --> converting an
unfavorable situation to
your advantage!"
---------------------------------
The supervisor says "It will
be good if there is a
robbery every month".
This is called "Killing
Boredom -> Happiness is
most important."
---------------------------------
The next day, TV news
reported that 100 million
was taken from the bank.
The robbers counted and
counted and counted, but
they could only count 20
million. The robbers were
very angry and complained
"We risked our lives and
only took 20 million, the
bank manager took 80
million with a snap of his
fingers. It looks like it is
better to be educated to be
a thief!"
This is called "Knowledge is
worth as much as gold !"...

When someone tells me, "Good question." I never hear their answer because I'm busy congratulating myself for asking such a good question.....!:P :D

crocodile TROLLED.!

Today, I saw a crocodile eating a wild buffalo on Natgeo. Bullshit.
We all know it's fake. Because crocodiles eat Alpenliebe.

genius..!

Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Internet?

the best image

This is the biggest problem

Life Before Computer

Life before Computer:
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-Window was a square hole in a room..
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-Application was something written in paper..
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-Mouse was an animal..
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-Keyboard was a Piano..
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-File was a important office material..
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-Hard Drive was a uncomfortable road trip..
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-Cut was done with Knife n Paste was done with Glue..
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-Web was spider's home..
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-Virus was flu..
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-Apple and Blackberry were just fruits...:p :O :D :/

Ultimate Santa

Santa k ghar chor aa gya
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Santa ne dekha to chor bhaga
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Santa bhagta bhagta chor se bhi age
nikal gaya
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aur piche mud kr kaha
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Ek to chori upar se mujshe race :p

killer joke :D

Man In Bar Orders Kingfisher Beer.
Lady Next To Him-
What A Co-incidence, Even I Have Ordered Kingfisher.
Man- I'm Celebrating.Lady- Me too.
Man- What A Coincidence.Why are you Celebrating?
Lady- My Husband & I Have Tried 4 Yrs For A Baby..
Today I'm Pregnant.
Man- What A Coincidence.I Am A Farmer From 4 Yrs My Hens Were Infertile,
Today All Laying Eggs
Lady- Wow How Did That Happen?
Man- I Used A Different Cock.
Lady SMILED
& Said
WHAT A COINCIDENCE!!

Kids stay away..!

boyfriend: Tum Itne Kaali
Kyun Ho
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girlfriend: Tum Kyun
Tenshion Le Rahe
Ho. Tumhare Baap Ka Kya
Jaata Hai
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boyfriend: Mere Baap Ka Agar
Gaya
Hota To Tum Kaale Nahi Gori
Paida
Hoti........

!st in class?

Want to be 1st in CLASS.. ??
TIPS:
1:" Wake up everyday at
5am
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2:" Drink tea or coffee
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3:" Go to college at 6.00
am!
Nobody wil be there..
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U r 1st in class....

!SINGHAM EFFECT!

Dad: Result kya aaya?

Boy: Aai chya gavat, fail ho gaya.

Dad: Besharam! Nalayak..

Boy: Kuch bhi karne ka,
Mera ego hurt nahin karne ka!

Dad: Aaj se teri pocket moneybandh.

Boy: Meri jarooriyat kam he,
Isi liye meri zamir me dum he.

Dad: Get out.

Boy: Aata Maaji satakli re!

Dad: Mujhe ab papa mat kehna.

Boy: Ae Gotya.. Gotya.. Gotya..

20 Unknown facts about Facebook Founder Mark Zucerkberg

Mark Zuckerberg Facts:
1] Facebook’s main color is bluebecause Mark Zuckerberg is colorblind. The color that he can see the best is blue.

2] His has dog name Beast, and he has his own Facebook page.

3] He is known as ‘Zuck’ by his friends while his mother calls him Princely.

4] He promised and wore a tie everyday for a whole year.

5] He learned Chinese in 2010 so that he could talk to his girlfriends family members whowere Chinese.

6] He said that the only accurate thing in the Facebook movie ‘The Social Network’ was the dress worn by the character who played his role.
He added that every single T-shirt that was correct.

7] Mark wore a hoodie and jeans in a meeting with investors on Wall Street.
Photo via Intowire.

8] Mark Zuckerberg met his girlfriend, Priscilla Chan in line for the bathroom at a Harvard party in 2003.

9] He designed his wife’s wedding ring.

10] The guest didn’t know that they were on a weeding untill it was announced.
Priscilla had just graduated and they thought the party was for her graduation.

11] Mark Zuckerberg is the most followed (circled) person in Google Plus.

12] He even has a Twitter account with an amazing username,@finkd.

13] He rejected a $1 billion dollar offer from Yahoo to buy Facebook.

14] Mark had a business card which read “I’m CEO Bitch”.

15] Some of his favourite musical artist are Green Day, Jay-Z, Taylor Swift, and Shakira.

16] His T-shirt has the Facebookfriend request, Message, and notification logo. Notice the 3 things in his T-shirt?

17] His Facebook profile CANNOT be BLOCKED.

18] He used to work sitting like normal employee before.

19] He rarely wears a suit.

20] He wears the same trademark hoodie and jeans to work ‘everyday’.

killer shayaries

6.) Teri adao pe main waari waari..
Dial 139 for railway enquiry.

7.) Na jine ki aarzu na marne ka khauf..
The number you are trying is currently switched off.

8.) Apne gamo ko bas dil me daba lo.
Naya godrej powder hair dye,Bas kaato gholo aur laga lo.

9.) yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak....
Cameraman praful ke saath deepak chaurasia AAJ TAK..

10.) mehgai ki iss daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo..
mehgai ki iss daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo..
ek chutki sindoor ki kimat tum kya jano Ramesh babu...

11.) mein hoon yahan tu hai wahan...
mein hoon yahan tu hai wahan..
LIFEBUOY hai jahan tandurusti hai wahan...

12.) Blood donate karne se pehle hamesha uska group janchna...
Blood donate karne se pehle hamesha uska group janchna...
BASANTI in kuton ke samne mat nachna....

13.) Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
Maa, Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life Jhingalala ..!!

14.) Romeo ne juliet se kaha ek sach..
Romeo ne juliet se kaha ek sach..
Asali masale sach sach
MDH.....MDH ...!

15.) 1 ladki ne kiya ladke ko gaal pe kiss
1 ladki ne kiya ladke ko gaal pe kiss
Mutual funds are subjected to market risks

16.) Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer Puraana ...
Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer Puraana ..
Didi Tera Devar Deewana ..

17.) Naach bulbul naach, tujhe paisa milega
hum CID se hai,koi apne jagah se nahi hilega..

Killer shayaris are back Using ur brain is strictly, V.Strictly prohibited...

1.) Mehbooba ke pyaar mein mar gaya peter,
Hero Honda Splendor 80km/Litre

2.) IPL ke matches dekh ke logon ko maza aaraha hain,
12 saal se CID ka Daya ek hi Qualis Chala raha hain

3.) Na jaan na pehchaan, tu mera mehmaan,
And the award goes to A.R.Rehman.

4.) Manchester United mein khelta hain ROONEY
ACP Pradhuymann ne kaha " aakhir chahta kya hain khooni"

5.) Kisiko na thi, mere pyaar ki khabar,
Kisiko na thi, mere pyaar ki khabar,
Diagram galat ho gaya, rubber de rubber

Rajni sir..!

Rajnikant doesnt need Water Supply Connection in His House,
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He Mixes Hydrogen n Oxygen wherever he wants It...! :P

Monday, 13 May 2013

Indian Cricket..?!?!?

Taylor swift..

God hates what???

Batman VS Ironman..?

Sunday, 12 May 2013

That Awesome Moment!

That awesome moment when the guy
who uses
the most number of extra sheets in
an exam.....
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. Fails..

be PROFESSIONAL

_A naked lady gets into a taxi.

The taxi driver looks at her top to bottom
repeatedly.....

Lady- haven't u seen a naked women in ur
life.....????

Driver- no mam I am just wondering where u have
kept the money to pay me.

Moral- concentrate on your work, no matters what
happens around you...
'Be professional'

OMG...This is awesome

In a Party, Shocking Introduction...
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One Men to Another...
Meet My Wife Teena.
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2nd One : Yaa.. l know Her.
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1st One : How...?
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2nd One : We were Caught many Times Sleeping Together.
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1st One : Angrily.. What..?
What the Hell U are Talking...?
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2nd One : During Lectures in Science & History Classes....
We were Classmates...
Think Positive Yaar....

Indian CID

~ 9 crazy CID facts!

1.Daya has the world record of breaking the most
no. of doors..

2.CID bureau has 1 toyota Qualis since 15 yrs..

3. In the entire 20 storeyed building of CID, only 6 people
work there..

4. Their is no police. CID handles evry case.

5. Accused person accepts his crime only after getting
a slap from daya on the face.

6. None of them has ever got married other than
fredrix.

7. No1 evr got promotion. Not even ACP.

8. Saluke just presses CTRL + ALT and gets the finger prints tested.

9. People remember a person they just saw once & give
The exact sketch..!!